I need to move forward. The past no longer fits.
I no longer fit there, at least.
I need some place new.
But the voices beckoning me from somewhere beyond where I stand.
The ones that have already chosen different paths, after reaching the fork in the road I’m staring at.
They’re too far ahead for me to follow their voices.
I am alone. At a crossroads.
And I am scared to take the next step.
Already I miss those people behind me.
The ones I left behind when I started this journey.
And maybe they’re on their own journeys too, moving forward in a different direction.
Moving forward at a different pace.
All I know is they’re not here with me now, to help me make this decision, the way they always used to.
Like those people that ran on before me, they cannot come back to help me make this choice.
I must decide, for myself, which path I will choose.
And I must choose to take this journey at my own pace.
It is hard, feeling alone.
But it is necessary, right now.
I can’t be pushed or pulled into a direction, not this time.
I must, instead, boldly go my own way.
But first I must be here. Alone.
In the quiet.
At least I feel alone until I’ve stopped yelling for help from the familiar faces elsewhere on the road.
Until my sobbing has subsided at last.
And there’s only silence.
And then, a small voice in the distance.
A voice vague but familiar, both up ahead and behind.
And somehow It is present right there with me.
“Be still,” it says.
And I am.
Such a short sentence, but its impact is profound.
Not only does it give me permission to take the time I need to make a choice.
It gives me the certainty I need to know no path will be walked down alone.
No choice, from this fork, is a wrong one.
No choice, including taking more time, will keep me from all I really want.
The voice assures me I have a place. I have a home.
Some place I belong.
Where I am loved, exactly as I am.
Where I will be supported, no matter what choices I make.
It’s at the fork in the road that I remember my home isn’t made of brick and mortar.
It’s not confined to one place, in space and time.
It is anywhere I am that He is also.
And since He’s everywhere, I am always at home.
I will always belong.
Because I will always be His.
Even if I lose my way.
I can’t lose Him.