Choose you this day.
Choose who you will serve.
“I’ve had choices, since the day that I was born.”
I used to hear that song a lot on country radio.
Only it never really rang true for me.
Yes; I had choices.
But it never really felt like that.
Mostly, I had pressure.
Pressure to make the right moves.
Pressure to always know just the right thing.
“Pressure, pouring down on me.”
Song lyrics aside, that’s really how I felt.
God’s grace was sufficient to save me from my sins.
But I shouldn’t abuse that grace.
That’s what I was taught.
So from a very young age the pressure was on.
Not to abuse grace.
Not to disappoint God.
To make all the right decisions, all the stinkin’ time.
It was exhausting.
And frankly, crippling.
Which is why, for the better part of my life, I felt like I had no choice in matters at all.
It was all about hunting down some divine sign, some Proverb written directly to me, that would tell me which school to attend, which guy to date, which haircut to get.
There was no accounting for my brain. My feelings. Any of the innermost stuff that makes me, me.
Only incessant hunting for flashing neon arrows pointing out “the path.”
There was only chasing that allusive, Christian, yellow brick road, the one with only right choices.
The singular, universal path to keep a good follower right smack dab in the will of God
I’m almost 30 now.
And while I could do without the crow’s feet, and there are days I long for the childlike faith I once had.
I don’t want to go back. And I won’t go back. (Lost reference.)
Because it feels too good, too freeing, knowing that free will isn’t some cosmic mind game God invented to test me.
It’s a gift.
It’s the gift, choice.
To be used how I see fit.
And I do still want to make the right choices.
I want to follow God’s path for me.
But not because a butterfly landed on my windowsill with a scroll.
Or because Leviticus’ laws dictate which combo to order next time I’m at Whataburger.
I believe God gave me a brain, and a heart, and a soul, and the ability to choose, so that my life might be something wholly unique.
And I’ve chosen to not only accept that, but to embrace it.
This post is part of the Five Minute Friday linkup by Lisa Jo Baker.
The challenge: Write 5 minutes. No editing. No second guessing.
Check out what the other participants have to say about this week's theme: Choice. Here.
And please, please join in. It's liberating.