Ever been the person staring blankly at the waitress with her hands full of hot, heavy plates? You want to help her, really you do, but you just can't remember what you ordered. Well, that was my table today. Oops! Full of joy. Full of sweet tea, and completely unable to get our orders straight.
We were a motley little party of FIVE. The lunch bunch. Work friends. Me and three wonderful ladies (and one man) whom I'm going to miss very much in FIVE short days.
The last few weeks (the ones since I committed to leaving) have really flown by. I mean every second hasn't. Some seconds have been eternities long. But somehow it's nearing December, and I only have five lousy days of work left. Five incredibly busy, overwhelming, bittersweet days left.
With all that's going on you probably thought I forgot about FIVE for Friday last week. I didn't stop in after all. But I didn't forget. Honest. I got a nice little blog all started. One that paid homage to my ultimate hero. :) In fact, it was practically ready to publish but then I second-guessed it to death, as I often do.
And now that little post is sitting in a morgue of drafts that will probably never see the light of day.
I seem to be second-guessing a lot lately. Decisions mostly. Decisions like leaving what has been a wonderful job for a big scary world of ???? I've worked with great people here. I've learned so much from them. And even managed to have some fun. It makes me want to plop down on our concrete office floor and say "nuh uh. I'm not going. Changed my mind. I'm staying here forever!"
I know it was God's voice that told me to leave. It was His leading, not just my own selfishness, that led to my letter writing. And it was definitely His grace that prepared my way out.
Still, it's hard to deal with the consequences of that decisions. The ramifications of it, like cleaning out two years worth of e-mail and council notes for instance.
I have to go. I know that. I trust that. But it's hard to leave the familiar to step into the unknown. It's hard packing years worth of memories and belongings into a little cardboard box. (More on that later I think.)
But I have to. I have to go. And I have to let go. So that I can move forward. Thankfully, graciously, in this particular instance moving forward also means moving...
WEST! At least for a few weeks.
You were right Allison! I'm gonna eat in Arizona. But also in Oregon. And California.
And I was almost gonna eat in Missouri 'cause they had a lot of cool places listed and more importantly because I'm super bad with geography. But my co-pilot (not God in this case but my good friend Ginny) brought me back to reality and informed me we will be driving through Montana not Missouri. So yea, I'll be eating in Montana too. And Wyoming. And Washington. And Nevada. Maybe Utah. New Mexico. Oklahoma. And Lubbock. Probably not in that order.
My big plan? It's a roadtrip. One scheduled to commence bright and early (noon) Dec. 6. One that will take place for approximately two weeks for two girls (plus some precious cargo we'll pick up in Cali).
I'm really excited about it. I mean, what's not to love about eating at diners, drive-ins and dives? But in addition to gaining plenty of pounds, I'm also excited about the opportunity to shed some baggage out on that open road. To let go of a lot, while leaving everything behind (if only for a time).
A while back I shared on Facebook (and may have shared here) some wise words I stumbled upon. Technically they are about writing but they are also about life. Beautiful, messy, painful, wonderful life.
"It's like driving a car at night. You never see further than your headlights,
but you can make the whole trip that way." - E.L. Doctorow
As a single, soon-to-be unemployed twenty-six year old gal, I don't know that I need some good "excuse" to pack up a few weeks' worth of clothes and just take off. To enjoy freedom. To have a grand adventure.
But I am thankful to have a really, really good one. And that's that I truly believe this is an opportunity to praise God for bringing me thus far, and to marvel at how He will continue to 'cause the road to rise up and meet me.
*I know there aren't a lot of numbers in this post. I hope you aren't terribly disappointed that I'm slacking on the math here lately. It's just that, maybe I was wrong to put a limit of what God can do (even for the sake of alliteration). Quindee if you're reading this I hope you are relieved. Maybe it's time to let the floodgates of thankfulness open, even if they knock me over. So very thankful for a God able to do far more than I can imagine. So thankful for friends He's sent my way to join me on the journey.