Awkward & Still Totally Awesome: GOLDen Edition

Grrrrr... this is actually post take two, thanks to a stupid faulty internet feed.

The good news is, it'll be an abridged version.

It's time to let the Catscratch Fever out of the gym bag. And no, my secret is not that I'm suddenly a huge Pantera fan. It's that, I joined a gym. A gym with Zumba.

Zumba: an excuse for middle-aged rhythmically challenged women (and two men) to shake their butts to obscure latin music (and a few well-known pop hits as well).

For those of you who know me - who know I spent all of February alternating my time between the couch and the drive thru line at Mickey D's - you KNOW what a giant miracle/ridiculous idea this is.

I am definitely not a gym kind of a gal.

Paying good money to sweat in public is not my idea of a good time. In fact, a month ago I would have paid good money NOT to sweat, much less shake my rump, in front of relative strangers.

However, a lot can change in a month. My metabolism and energy level for instance. And so I do think this came as a necessary change. (Turns out I'm not the only one sucked into this absurd world recently.)

Anyways, I wanted to check in sooner, post the news as a quick, put me on the Prayer Chain sort of thing. But frankly I thought it might be a passing phase. And I wanted to make sure it stuck.

And while it's still early to tell if this will be a lasting endeavor... after purchasing two new pairs of Yoga pants, I'd like to think my commitment level has moved to at least a 7.5. (Which is a point and a half higher than when I first spoke to a gym rep.) And that makes me feel pretty good. Afterall, I don't know what says "I'm in it to win it" like purchasing No Nonsense socks.

Literally.

While they're not nearly as cute as the polka dotted versions I wore on day one, I do think they lend some credibility to my sporty challenge.

And though this is gonna be an uphill battle, and I'm a long long way off from reaching my fitness goals (namely to be able to take out the trash without getting winded) there is already tons to report after just a week.

And, since I missed Awkward & Awesome Thursday, I thought I'd play catch up now with a special Golden Edition if you will (since I am now a card-carrying member of Gold's Gym, get it?).

Here's what I've picked up on so far, about life in the Fat Burner Lane on the treadmill. And it comes with a promise to check back in with a fuller report soon.

Awkward: When the guy beside you burps during Zumba class and instead of learning the sweet dance moves you spend the next song figuring out what he ate for lunch. (Old shoe with refried beans I'm pretty sure.)

Awesome: When the guy in your Zumba class does the hip swivel move... too funny!!

Awkward: Back sweat! Surely there is nothing so ladylike and classy in all the world as sweat stains on one’s lower back.

Awesome: Yoga pants... they only SEEM like a really bad idea until you try them on. They are in fact quite forgiving.

Awkward: Knowing the guy on the adjacent treadmill thinks you’re eyeing the meatheads near the pull-up bar.

Awesome: Knowing you’re actually eyeing the 78-year-old beast man show up all the young guns.

Awkward: Realizing you ate twice as many calories as you burned, just during dessert. Dang Blue Bell pints. NO ONE ever eats the serving size.

Awesome: Realizing you don’t care (or that it was worth it at least). I mean, Cookies & Cream is Cookies & Cream.

Awkward: When you go to pull your head phones out and something crusty falls from them. I believe with all my heart it was a sticker, but I also believe with all my heart that the gym manager who was watching thought it was a year’s worth of ear wax. Super awkward.

Awesome: After trying four different treadmills and having to ask for help, finally figuring out how to work the radio thingies which enabled me to watch - and listen to - TV for the first time in weeks. Not counting an episode of Chopped over the weekend at a friend's.

Awkward: The painful way pigtails hit your face while Living La Vida Loca in Zumba.

Awesome: Finding a spot next to the only girl in class LESS rhythmic-ly gifted than you. And while I am certainly not one to throw a "You can't Somba" stone, it is nice being reassured that you are not the absolute least gifted "dancer" in all of Central Texas.

Awkward: Looking like a crazy addict hopping from treadmill to treadmill trying to find a TV that worked (before asking for help).

Awesome: Laughing so hard at Parks & Recreation that you didn't care your fellow gym goers thought there was Speed in your Gatorade. Did I mention it’s been weeks since I watched TV?

Awkward: Expecting to show the old folks up in step aerobics, only to discover those grannies can step you under the absurd little tables/benches...

Awesome: Realizing that your gym cares enough to find the very best instructors, and by best I mean they searched the world to find this lady. And let me tell you, when every muscle in your wimpy legs is burning there is nothing like hearing "Push it Momma" screamed at you by a psycho with a microphone and machines for thigh muscles.

Now, I don't have a clue what exciting endeavors you might have bitten off this past week. But I hope with all my 30-year-old heart that you will enjoy every last morsel of what life has to offer.

In my case, it might just be a red velvet cake bite purchased at one of my favorite coffee shops. A cake bite that will totally be worth an extra twenty minutes on the StairMaster Monday. Right?

Happy Saturday!