Out of place.
That's the best way to describe how I've been feeling the last few days.
If you asked my coworkers for a description of me I'm afraid they might respond "Cranky" or "Off Her Game."
But, let's just stick with "Out Of Place." Shall we? It rolls off the tongue a lot sweeter.
I think my sorrow in suddenly feeling as though I'm floating about, ungrounded, unguarded, and unprepared, has been compounded because of how starkly these emotions contrast how I was feeling this time last week.
Last week I was sitting easy, in my own office complete with an Awesome desk, with drawers!
This was a serious upgrade from the card table I'd been sitting at, and it felt a bit like a promotion, a bode of confidence. For a moment I let myself feel as though I belonged. Had purpose. That a desk plate was only an order away.
I knew where I was and where I was going.
I had a place and a purpose.
Nevermind that they were ill-planted. It felt good to feel secure... for a second.
But this week everything changed.
I've been relocated - demoted if you will - to the expansive "Coffee Bar" down the hall, where I have spent seven hours a day toiling away at a bistro table, wondering how things went so wrong, so quickly... And when, if ever, my work environment will stop making me crazy high.
And floating about (only partially from the paint fumes) I've been forced to take stock of my situation.. to recognize how quick I was to place my security in a place to sit. A title. A social standing. A lot of sources, none of which could last. None of which could be enough.
That's all gone now. And the adjustment has been painful. Awkward. And very much unwelcome.
But, it has also been necessary I think. Eye-opening. And, a good reminder that what really matters is not where I hang my bag or what I'm called. It's not how I look or where I stand.
It's Whose I am that matters in the end.
At the end of the day all that really matters, the only truth that can bring my heart peace (and joy), is knowing with Whom I belong, and that we'll be together soon. Soon-ish at least.
I don't know what your week has been like. If it's been up and down, or all over the place like mine.
I don't know if you feel like a kid in a candy shop - surrounded by all that your heart desires - or a kid in a coffee shop - uncomfortable and ready to be home already.
But, wherever it is you find yourself this Thursday, I hope your heart might be encouraged by remembering Whose you are.
He knows what He's doing, even when you don't.
He knows what you need, even when you don't.
And He's faithful beyond compare, even when you aren't.
Take hope in that Truth friends.
I know this disoriented girl is.
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