Awkward & Awesome: Where'd you go?

What a whirlwind. I hate when I fall off the face of the planet (or at least cyber world) for a while. But, I suppose it happens to the best of us.

 

Since we last “spoke” I have attended a birthday party, listened to extreme screaming, had several fun sister nights (which mostly means eating fast food and watching season 1 of Community), discovered some unfortunate results of the losers using my debit card at an ATM in Italy (namely been unable to purchase from iTunes). And… I’ve had some growing up to do.

 

It turns out being an adult is hard. Even harder than I thought it would be when I left home to head to college. I felt so grown up, owning my first iron.

Turns out I hadn’t a clue what I was in for.

 

When I had to swallow my pride and move back in with my parents after obtaining that stupid lovely degree, again I thought, "Wow this is hard!"

But still… it got harder.

 

It turns out life/adulthood/growing up is even harder than I expected when I moved back out this January. And harder than I was anticipating when my sister moved in a month ago.

 

It turns out being an adult sucks!

 

There are bills. So very many bills.

And there's weight gain.* Boo!

There are people to appease. And dishes to wash. And bills. Did I mention bills. I don't like bills.

 

But, adulthood/life/growing up is not without blessings.

 

No more curfew and getting to eat dessert* first are only the beginning. Thermostat control also makes the list.

But the real blessings are the friendships that are genuine and strong, some of which have been almost fifteen years in the making (that sentence terrifies me as I’m sure it does you if you’re one of those similarly aging pals).

Plus of course, there are the ample opportunities to grow. Opportunities we might like to turn down sometimes.

"Leave me alone, I've had about enough of that!" we might want to say while choking on the sand we've stuck our heads in. "I don't want to grow another inch. I want to stay here, content with my mediocre life." That might be what we're tempted to think.

And a lesser god might give us what we ask for, instead of what we need.

Instead of going through the trouble of disciplining us, he might let us live with the lesser lives that we have a way of settling for.

But I've discovered that the God I pray to has a pesky way of leading me to opportunities to grow, whether I like it or not. He refuses to let me settle for anything less, than being slowly (often painfully and against my tantrums) refined. 

Yes that God keeps giving me chances to discover grace more magnificent and abundant than I could have dreamed. And grace that is so much more than enough to cover all those crappy parts of adulthood I talked about a second ago. So much grace that I've been praying a lot lately it might ooze out of me like an oil leak. That it might soak everything near it.

 

Sure, there are days I wish I could go back to seventeen, when life was a lot easier, simpler. And Daddy (or on one occassion a boy named Joel) filled my gas tank for me.

But then I remember what an idiot I was back then, and I nip that idea right in the bud.

 

Thinking about it - what an idiot I was - makes me smile though. 'Cause it reminds me to pray to God that ten years from now I might be fortunate enough to say the same thing.

When I look back on 27 someday, how I pray I might say again, 

 

“What an idiot. She has no idea.”

 

No idea how much life is ahead of her, how many struggles she will encounter… but also how much learning and abundant loving will take place No idea how wonderful her life will be, if only she’ll keep her eyes on the prize.

 

Not her own perfection, but the One who is perfect. And who oddly, unfathomably, has been pursuing a relationship with her all along.

 

Comments

[Allison]

yay community!
Boo growing up!
Awesome shoes in the last picture on the right!