Five for Feeling Better

Once upon a time, a very long time ago, a naive girl set out on a mission. She wanted to choose gratitude. Every day.

But Fridays especially, she wanted to count her blessings, five to be exact. (She likes alliteration. And simple math.)

 

She was trying to make a conscious effort to be grateful.

Even when times got tough. Even when a lot seemed to be going wrong.

She wanted to take time to be thankful for what was right.

She wanted to accentuate the positive.

 

It might have been cheesy. It might have seemed silly.

But... she needed it. And I do too.

(Which makes a lot of sense, considering that girl - as we probably all know - was me.)

 

The past few months have been exhausting. And trying.

Emotionally. Financially. Spiritually.

I've been spent.

 

I reached the end of my rope, or wits, or whatever you want to call it.

I was on the verge, and maybe just over the edge, of a breakdown.

It hasn't been pretty.

   

I also haven't felt much like myself, which is perhaps worse than just feeling miserable.

I like to fancy myself fairly positive. Pretty peppy.

But here lately I've been a Gloomy Gus and then some.

There's just been so much change. So much stress. So much change, did I mention that already?

It was overwhelming. I didn't handle it well. At all.

And yet, here I am.

I'm alive.

It's like the clouds are finally lifting. The sun is finally rising.

Or maybe I've just taken off the blinders long enough to see what's been there all along.



However you want to look it, for the first time in a long time, I'm finally feeling a little better than unwell.

And I have an opportunity to do better moving forward.

And I'm so grateful that I'm finally realizing that doing better does not mean perfect.

 

I'm also becoming increasingly convinced that the point of life isn't to become more like someone else (even a really great someone), but instead to become the best possible version of ourselves.

We can find inspiration from heroes. We can pinpoint characteristics we want to develop. But if we spend our lives trying to become duplicates of someone else we'll never succeed, and we'll never be happy.

 

I don't yet know exactly what "my personal best" is gonna be, but I have a sneaky suspicion it starts with wearing something other than stretchy pants, and sharing my life with people other than the cast of Grey's Anatomy.

That's a start, right? I sure hope so.

 

I also think I must begin by being grateful, right here, where I'm at, for the blessings already in my life, even though my life still seems like a mess sometimes.

I want to choose gratitude, even when I'm tempted to get down.

I want to look at what's right, even when a lot is going wrong.

And I want to choose to live my life, instead of waiting, or struggling against my circumstances. I want to be grateful for this day. For each day.

 

For me, I think going back to an old (forgotten) tradition might help too.

So, let's not mind the fact that it took me four days to actually complete this list. Instead let's look at this as a bonus Friday, another chance to count my blessings, right up to Five.

 

1.) After a long season of really bad car luck, we have two working vehicles at the moment (and a bicycle too). And for that, I'm incredibly thankful.

"FREEEEE DOMMMM!!!!" is what that means to me... freedom to purchase toilet paper and hide it in a trunk, instead of walking (parading) home with it in tow... and freedom to hit up Happy Hour and return with my Vanilla Coke happily nestled in a cup holder, instead of trying to cram it into the water bottle spot on my bike.

2.) I've often heard it takes a community to raise a child, but I had no idea how much help it'd take to get a couple through their first year of marriage.

We have received incredible support from both our families during the past year, both in planning a super quick wedding, making a cross-state move, storing the contents of said move (including us) and getting our vehicles operational once again. THANK YOU FAMILY, so much. We literally wouldn't be where we are without you.

3.) The house smelled like heavenly pot roast all day today (yesterday now).

This is something I'm particularly grateful for since Mikael made it - yay! - and also, because this time last week the entire house smelled like leaky sewage pipes. We've come a long way folks.

4.) I may not always love my job, but I'm so grateful to have it (and not just 'cause in this economy any job is a blessing). Yes, I spend most of my days explaining why book titles should be capitalized, and distinguishing the difference between attending "collage" and "college." And yes, sometimes this makes me unreasonably frustrated.

But, my bosses are incredible, my hours flexible and my attire super duper casual... I am definitely blessed in the employment field. Big time! Did I mention I get to drink lots of coffee and use red pens? SCORE!

5.) Until I got married myself I didn't have a clue what it would entail. I had no idea how difficult it would be, but I also had no idea how much joy was  to come. Lazy mornings and late night giggle fests are my favorite times. There's something so comforting about being with someone at your physical worst - delirious, mascara-stained, or morning breathy - and realizing you're utterly loved, unconditionally. Powerful stuff! Love. Acceptance. Laughter.

 

 

Thanks for letting me practice my math today friends.

It means a lot.