It’s lonely when you spend most of your time in your head.
Sitting silently besides friends, siblings, spouses.
Always thinking, instead of speaking.
Always thinking.
Always lost.
For a really long time I thought that was normal.
The ruminating. The overanalyzing.
The loneliness of being a person trapped in her own mind.
But then, somewhere along the way a conversation happened.
And a light bulb turned on. Shedding light on those cobwebs in my brain.
Maybe there is another way, the light said.
Maybe you don’t have to feel so alone.
A beckoning followed.
At least I finally heard it clearer then.
Please come out of there. Talk to me, he pleaded.
Just be here, with me. Just let me in.
And it was awkward. Even painful. Trying to come out of that safe place.
The shelter of isolation, that was actually not safe at all.
The place I inflicted the most self-damage.
Where I flogged myself, time and time again, for perceived flaws.
For misperceived failure.
But somehow I did it.
I found myself on a couch with my husband.
Or at lunch with my sister.
Or in the kitchen with my dad.
Or having coffee with a friend.
Pouring my heart out, in words, and hand gestures.
Letting my soul speak, instead of keeping it all inside.
And I realized, in those conversations, that I wasn’t alone anymore.
I realized, in that connecting, that I wasn’t alone at all.
And now I see that I'm not lonely, unless I choose it.
Unless I choose to crawl back into that dark place, trapped with only my own torturing thoughts.
I’m not lonely unless I want to be.
And I don’t want to be, when so much love surrounds me.
I don't want to be lonely anymore.
- 30 -
Five Minute Friday seems to be the only way I can conquer writer's block latey. The prompts have drawn some important stuff out of me, and they've really encouraged me to be more free with my thoughts, my words.
So for anyone interested in joining up, here are the basics of how "it" works, straight from Lisa Jo Baker's blog.
"Let’s just write and not worry if it’s just right or not. Here’s how to play along:
1. Write for 5 minutes flat for pure unedited love of the written word.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in {you can grab the button code in my blog footer}.
3. Go and comment on the post of the person who linked up before you. This is the one rule of this community.
It’s a great way to catch your breath at the end of a long week."
It is so true. Only you have a choice as to what you will allow to affect you. Beauty is all around us and not attempting to enjoy every moment of this gift of life is kinda like a crime. Very nicely written and I love reading a positive response on this particular word prompt.
Posted by: Heather | 08/10/2013 at 05:14 PM
"I realized in connecting I wasn't alone anymore." So true! The enemy would have us isolate ourselves and keep us from getting close to others. So thankful for the people He's brought into my life to pull me out of my slump!
Posted by: Barbie | 08/09/2013 at 08:11 AM
"... I'm not lonely unless I choose it." Interesting and so true. I think it's an acceptable choice at times, but can be a dangerous one if allowed to fester, right? Been there. Enjoyed your post.
Posted by: Elizabeth | 08/09/2013 at 07:22 AM
Beautiful! This is great. Thanks so much for sharing your journey! I am glad I stopped by from FMF! Patti
Posted by: Patti Cates | 08/09/2013 at 07:09 AM