Several months ago I purchased The Head and the Heart album, and listened to it on repeat, the way I’m prone to do.
I mean, I listened and listened.
And while at first I gravitated to the fast-paced, and peppy songs. I slowly began more and more infatuated with the slower, more somber of the tunes.
Over time the sad ones became the only ones I was listening to (as I’m also prone to do).
And… while I may never know which comes first, being sad or listening to sad music, I know the lyrics took on very dark meanings, just as I sunk deeper and deeper into my funk.
“A year from now we’ll all be gone, all our friends will move away.”
"All things must end."
"I will miss the days we had."
Everything seemed a curse. Everything seemed a sad study on human fate.
But then something happened.
Maybe I chose to be positive. Maybe the fog lifted and I was able to see hope again.
Maybe an untold number of prayers were answered.
Whatever the case, when I hopped in my car, and heard the songs playing again, I noticed something I hadn’t before about the now-very-familiar lyrics.
Each song, even the sad ones, seemed laden with hope.
The same songs I’d been using to validate my sadness, were now spurring me on to brighter and better things.
What changed? It wasn’t the songs.
It wasn’t the stereo sound.
It was, Me.
It was my approach to unchanging music.
It was my perspective, my focus, that changed the way I interpreted very concrete words. Words written in melodies and liner notes.
Now when I listen to “All things must end,” I think about how bittersweet that really is. Yes, it's sad when things come to a close. When we lose touch with friends, or move away from family...
But the endings in life make me grateful for fresh starts.
Just as the tough times in life make me more grateful for the good.
The changing seasons make me thankful for the fleeting beauty that surrounds me. And when I'm feeling grateful (and happy) I realize how precious time really is.
Dying sunflowers let me know that crunchy leaves are soon coming. And that snow days and hot chocolate will follow that.
Eventually grass will grow again, followed by flowers. All will feel fresh and new.
Then those flowers will begin to wilt under the summer sun, and the cycle will begin again.
It's sad, yes. Seeing things end. But as the saying goes, "The best is yet to come."
And in life, with seasons that are changing and cycling as they do, we're reminded that good things will come again.
We're also reminded to be fully present, so we don't waste time wishing for better days, instead of joying the ones we're in.
I wonder now how often this happens?
How many times I read something wrong, or mistakenly interpreted a “sign” I thought I saw, because of a sad state I was in.
I wonder how often I try to warp things – while “lost in my mind” – to mean something they don’t. Because I’m clawing at consistency, at control, instead of enjoying the ebb and flow of a life lived fully...
Enjoying a life with eyes wide open, to see the beauty and the darkness. And all the uncategorizable stuff in between.
I am not writing as much as I used to lately, and I think that’s because – for once – I’m busier being present in the moment, than making mental notes about each situation.
Sure, I draft unpublished posts in my mind sometimes. And stop a little too long to not only smell, but mentally photograph the flowers.
But mostly I’m trying to wake up, and face the day for what it is.
24 hours. Cycling on.
Dark to light.
Light to dark.
Each one ending.
And each one beginning again.
I realize now this post may sound like that notorious perfume commercial. But I'm trusting you'll forgive what might seem a little abstract or pretentious for the sake of celebrating this particular end to a season.
Yea, it'll still be crazy, burn-your-butt-on-the-car-seat hot for a few more months here. But with school starting back, and Halloween decor (and Christmas stuff!!! :/ ) hitting the stores, it's pretty clear to me that summer is drawing to a close.
And this year, for once, I'm really appreciating that fact, as a chance to both remember what a great, growth-filled summer this has been. As well as a chance to get really excited for fall.
Thank you, as always, for the kind words of encouragement you have offered over the years friends.
I really can’t tell you how cool it is to have a web of support from close friends that live too far away, and acquaintances alike. You make me feel a little less crazy, and a little less alone, with your words of support. So thanks.
I truly hope the songs you hear today uplift your soul, whether it be serious stuff or notsomuch. :)
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