Divine Imperfections

Better Late Than Never: Valentine's Edition

Yesterday my poor MacBook got really sick. Like, it wouldn't charge, and said "service battery." Which was a bummer for a number of reasons, not the least of which was that I had spent the previous two days working on a roundup of cute Valentine printables which I planned on sharing.

#LifeIsHard  #FirstWorldProblems  #NerdAlert

 

In fact, I went to bed last night very distraught about my poor computer's ill fate (and that's an understatement, and a half).

 

Some days it just feels like nothing seems to go right. Ya know?

Your Plan A falls through. And then you remember your backup plan is either non-esistent, or sucky.

And... you just want to throw your hands in the air and yell "Wow is me."

 

"The world is crumbling," you think, 'cause it feels that way to you.

And no amount of reasoning - it's only a computer, it's not that big of a deal - seems to help.

 

So you sob. Uncontrollably. 'Til your chest hurts, like an elephant's been dancing on it.

All while your husband tries to comfort you, though he presumably thinks that you're completely crazy (and understandably so).

 

Eventually you drift off to a light, unpeaceful sleep, like a toddler after a really nasty, unsuccessful tantrum for candy.

Only you're crying about a computer, and your general bad luck with electronics/cars and (secretly) also about your inability to effectively deal with your emotions before you become a full-out basketcase. #WhenWillILearn

 

So yea, last night, not my finest hour. And I'm hoping some of you can relate, though not quite so specifically.

But today, do you know what happened?

 

The world didn't implode. You know that much (despite my predictions last night).

But also I discovered that not only was my computer salvageable, the two repairs it needed were covered free under my warranty. 

 

Today I discovered that last night's troubles, the ones that had kept me up late into the night, thinking nothing would ever go right again, and that I was doomed to live in despair... ended up being nothing more than an a 30-minute fix, plus an excuse to walk around the mall, have dinner in the food court, and to spend an entire day with my husband.

Running errands, laughing at bad pop songs, and holding hands with a man I was lucky enough to marry. A man that held me close as I cried myself to sleep, telling me all the while that things would work out. A man that didn't say "I told you so" when we got the good news that the repairs would be free. He just stuck out his hand for a fist bump. And then we went on our merry way, not a cent less rich.

 

In a weird way I guess I'm grateful that all my struggle to post something Valentine's Day-ish has led me here.

To this post, this strange and winding one, that began about printable Valentine's art, but ended up being partly about a broken computer, partly about an irrational and overly emotional meltdown by me, and mostly (underlyingly, if that's a word) about LOVE itself.

Love that shows up to hold us, and to comfort us when we need it most.

And Love that also cheers us on, when we've got news worth celebrating.

Love that commits to going through the highs and the lows, together, as a team.

Love that doesn't leave you to wallow in self-pity, or sadness. But drags you back up to the surface, for fresh air. And perspective.

 

Love that's willing to get its hands dirty lifting you out of the muck and mire, but then cleans up real nice and maybe even walks around the mall (for two hours!!!) with you.

And Love that requires vulnerability, a willingness to be seen (even at your worst). But Love that makes all that scary letting-your-guard-down more than worth it.

Love that makes you grateful you're alive, even though life is sometimes hard.

Love that reminds you, encourages you, gives you extra reasons to breathe.

Since I can't go back and tell last night me to calm the heck down, and to let tomorrow worry about itself... to stop panicking and just be present and grateful for the many blessings in my life (regardless of how I felt at the time)...

Since I can't go back and tell my husband in that moment how much I appreciate him, and the great, big giant heart he has, or praise him for having so much more patience than I often give him credit for...

Since I can't do that I'll settle instead for passing along this story about the sick computer and the strange, panicky girl, in hopes it might save you a little trouble/time of your own.

And in hopes it might encourage you to listen a little closer to that voice assuring you "things will be fine."

 

Let tomorrow worry about itself.

Enjoy where you're at, even if it's not where you want to be.

Life might not be perfect - it never, ever is - but it's life.

It's up and down, joy and sorrow, sickness and healing...
it's a packaged deal.

Accept the good with the bad...
or something like that.

And be grateful for the company, most of all, 'cause that's what life is really about.

 

That's my Valentine's message, rolled up in a nearly incoherent nutshell. (Above.)

But because I'm stubborn (and 'cause I spent such a long time on them, and possibly blew my computer's brains out working on them) I'm also going to share the much cuter, saner graphics I rounded up. (Below.)

1. The typerwriter stole my heart in this set by AmyIsTheParty.
2. Candy & a game make for a super fun design by Dixie Delights,
found via another great Valentine roundup from TatertotsandJello.
3. These would make such cute stickers; thanks SecretAgentJosephine.
4. These adorable cards from MerMag make me want a button machine!

1. What girl doesn't love owls, like this pretty one from MineForTheMaking?
2. A set of four classic-looking cards from FPGirl on Flickr are perfect for coworkers or old friends.
3. Twig & Thistle's cute, grown-up goodie bags would be a great excuse to buy chocolate.
4. I love these nerdy chic NPR Valentines found via Katie Armour, with even more at NPR.org.




1. For the hipsters, a Converse-clad cartoon from EatDrinkChic seems perfect. 
2. Here's a slightly sappy, very sweet greeting from SimpleAsThat.
3. Plain old awesomeness from TheRockinBoysClub!
4. A simple, straightforward sentiment from 74LimeLane.

 

I hope a few of you will use these digital goodies (or others) to surprise someone special.

 

Print something pretty for your coworkers. Email an encouraging salutation to your single friends. Or tell your Significant Other you love him/her with a doodle.

More importantly, I hope all of you will make sure and send some love, or better yet offer a hug this Valentine's Day.

 

A good hug makes almost anything better. And you can trust me on this, 'cause I was dealing with a sick MacBook yesterday, so clearly, I know all about grief, and comfort...     #Don'tWorryI'mKidding #Mostly

I think the collage above means I must also be an expert on love. So this must all be very good advice.

In fact, I watched a Hallmark Channel movie Saturday, so yea; I'd say I've learned pretty much all there is to know about life.

All joking aside, using the world's most overly-marketed chocolate holiday as an excuse to spread some cheer, some encouragement, some lovely greetings, seems like a pretty good idea in my book.

So consider this my #HappyValentine'sEve/Day to you.


I hope it's a good one, overflowing with sweetness, both the cavity-kind and the comforting kind.

#WishingYouAllGoodThings

 

No Business Like SNOW Business

When I worked at the newspaper (feels like ages ago now) I had the honor of working on our Christmas window displays each year.

The office is located in one of those quaint little towns that still has citywide events (like Christmas tree lightings and patriotic parades)  and so making sure our windows were pretty came with the job of being a community journalist.

 

When I left I knew I wouldn't miss council meetings (ick!) or tight deadlines (ewww!) but I was sad to lose such an interesting creative outlet.

Thankfully, this year my friend (and former coworker) invited me out to help! (And since I wasn't planning my wedding, like this time last year, I was happy to oblige.)

 

But while I do enjoy the project, working on window decorations always stresses me out a bit (a lot).

You see, while creating windows is fun, it is also a lot of work. Here’s what I mean.

First there’s the idea phase – this I love. Brainstorming whacky or whimsical display concepts is super fun. That’s the anything is possible phase… seeking out inspiration, collecting ideas, sketching snow scenes… it’s like being a kid again.

You get to stretch your imagination muscles. This part is awesome!

 

But then comes reality. Reality is way less fun!

 

Reality is procrastinating the task (for fear of failure!!!) until the last possible moment.

And reality is me rushing to the dollar store in an attempt to find something that can pass as carrots, frantically purchasing anything snow-related, hoping the wacky ideas end up working out. Buying into a vision that may or may not work, one kid glove and plastic snowflake at a time.

 

Reality is an office floor filled with fallen branches, scrap paper, and glue blobs. And a boss wondering why on earth you’ve destroyed the place.

 

Reality is sketching a plan D of snow people, which at the time are mere laundry baskets that look nothing like Frosty and friends.

And reality is a 9-hour shift duct taping, hot gluing, and trying to “make it work” as they say, praying all the while that it actually does work… that a mess of material and a head overflowing with ideas actually come together in a way that make sense to the outside world… praying at some point others can see what you see, not a pile of junk but a Winter Wonderland come to life... not a hodgepodge of recyclables and dollar store finds, but Christmas magic sure to delight the young at heart.

 

Reality is utter delirium, Christmas tunes for inspiration, a worry-filled DQ break, and an awful mess to clean up.

And reality is figuring out what doesn’t work, wanting to give up, and pressing on anyways.

Even when the lights you spent an hour wrapping around the tree limbs turn out to be burnt out, even when the spray snow won’t dry on the Styrofoam, and even when a woman outside the window laughs after seeing Momma Snow Lady still in progress, a skeleton of plastic and tape.

 

To everyone else this basket-boned Snow Lady is still a faceless piece of trash. She’s characterless to the outside world. And yet you’re already old friends (after all, she’s been a part of you since that first day dreaming up ideas).

It’s no wonder you’re pleading with her to stop losing her head, literally.

But it is a wonder that you don't abandon snow ship after several dozen setbacks. It's a wonder that anyone accomplishes anything the least bit creative without retreating at the first sign of trouble (or potentional embarrassment).

 

If you’re fortunate, with a lot of work and a little luck, when you finally take a step outside… when you get the perspective of the passersby, instead of the perspective of the Creator… you’ll discover that somewhere along the way magic happened.

 

 

Something without shape or form will have become something precious, someone really.

An array of recyclables and Goodwill gear will have become a family.

The crazy ideas will have met reality, and actually found common ground.

 

 

What I thought about life, while covered in “snow” and glitter, looking at a hodgepodge of junk littering the office floor, is that sometimes you have to ignore what you see, in order to believe in what can be.

 

I’ve often heard that sculptors look at blocks of wood or stone, and ask what must be taken away to reveal what’s really there, hidden inside. Where others see raw materials, maybe even junk, they see something precious... Something awe inspiring… Beauty just waiting to be revealed.

 

It reminds me of the story of creation, of a God that creates light out of nothing, order out of chaos... and later fashions human beings out of dirt and clay.

It's a God we’re told continues to see value in people, even the ones the world has deemed lost, expendable, useless.

A God who called His creation good.

 

I think it’s really easy to see ourselves as we are, as flawed human beings, with our struggles and scars… people trying to “make it work” while praying not to be found out… coming apart at the seams, held together by duct tape and smiles…

But deep down, below my own fear and doubt, I believe we are made to be more than the sum of our parts.

 

In many ways I think we spend our entire lives as blocks still being chipped away at, not as punishment, but so true Beauty can be revealed.

 

And maybe that’s too much to take from a day of playing with paper and glue.

But maybe, just maybe, it’s a wake up call.

 

For those of you who long to do something creative, I hope this will be an encouragement to keep pursuing your “crazy” ideas...

To work past the fears of failure and put something on paper…

Glue the sequin, pen the note, stitch the fabric, play the chord…

Just don't give up.

 

The world desperately needs to see more Beauty revealed.

And no attempt at unveiling It will be void.

(Even if your "snow" sculptures fall each time the door opens, make 'em anyways.)

The One With the More Doing

You may or may not have noticed I’ve been pretty absent as of late.

I’m not sure if it’s too nerdy or just nerdy enough to admit I really miss blogging, but I do. A lot.

In fact I shared that fact with a friend recently*, as we crafted up some fall decorations and a random jewelry holder I’ve been slated to make for my sister since July.

 

It felt good to finally give some projects a try, to get my hands in some glue. It felt really good.

 

I’m not sure what it is about this Summer* (So yea; I wrote this in August!), but I've spent much of it worrying that I’m somehow behind.

Like I should probably have accomplished a lot by now, but all I’ve really done is waste most of the Summer incessantly perusing Pinterest and blowing up Instagram (and watching old Friends episodes on Nick at Night... how weird is that?).

 

It’s too late to go back and do things differently, I know that of course. But I can still kick my butt into high gear… to soak up every last bit of this lovely (but unbelievably sweaty) season, and of course, to get around to Do-It-Myselfing at least some of those crafty projects I’ve been pinning.

 

Craft Night inspired me to finally start doing the stuff I've been putting off, like gluing together Goodwill plates and saying "hi" to my poor, neglected little cyber space.

I hope you can handle seeing a few more projects around here for the next little bit. (Eyeroll as necessary guys!)

 

I don’t want to sound too much like a Home Depot commercial, but I think this is my “More Doing” post.

The one where I challenge myself to start tackling (long overdue) projects and to enjoy late night strolls and guzzle iced tea and wear flip flops … while I still can, before Summer completely passes me by.

And, for those of you interested, we used three Pinterest ideas for our girls' night/Craft Night.

1.) Giada's Pesto Pasta for dinner. (Cleavage not included with recipe.)

2.) DIY Decoupage Glue. (That's right, we made our own "glue.")

3.) Plate Stand/Jewelry Holder.

 

And here are the verdicts on the projects.

1.) This is a bold-flavored pasta. If you love avocado and basil you'll like it. Plus, I made it unsupervised which means it's simple enough for even a novice cook. You will need a great blender or a food processor though!

Tips: Choose dark, soft (but not mushy) avocadoes. Minced, cannged garlic is perfect. We always substitute spinach for the arugala. It's a bit milder flavor and super nutritious. Feel free to choose almost any nut you like in lieu of the pine nuts. (We've tried it with almonds, peanuts and pistachios and all worked well.)

 

2.) This project came out of pure desperation. I invited my friend to come over and decoupage (yes, I'm that cool!) then realized I didn't have any decoupage glue. Instead of driving 15 minutes (one way) to pick some up, we walked to the dollar store then made our own.

Mix equal parts Elmer's glue and water in a sealable container, stir well and voila! You have decoupage glue that's actually less irritatingly sticky than the expensive stuff at the craft store.

My friend and I both liked this version better, as it was easier to work with (without getting stuck to the project), less expensive AND far more matte. The newspaper we used looked almost untouched when we were finished, as opposed to the gloppy and slightly shiny finish that generally occurs with the store-bought kind.

 

3.) Choose a handful of cheap dishes that stack well. Use E600 or an equally super glue to stick them together and you've got yourself a pretty jewelry stand. Or, if you opt to stack only one plate on each cup you can create cute mini cake stands! Martha recently ran an entire article about how to create your own stands with three methods... she said if you use hot gun glue instead you can take the dishes apart as desired.

Nice Day for a Photoshop Tutorial

One of the very first blogs I ever started following - way before this one existed - was that of a scrapbooker who had hit it big.

She posted cool pictures. And scrapbook layouts. And sometimes reciepes. And I wask hooked. Both on her blog, and the whole blogging world in general.

Now that I've followed years of pet pictures and DIY ideas and baking tips... it's funny to consider how well I can feel like I know someone that I've never met.

 

Anyways, today she posted a pretty simple Photoshop tutorial, and I was so thankful at her timing.

'Cause, it just so turns out, that someone else I know has three weddings' worth of photos to edit. And that this someone I know has been putting one of them off since the fall. :/ Bad girl.

Maybe this tutorial will help kick her into high gear. Maybe. But she's a procrastinator "this girl I know."

So we'll have to see.

 

Still, I wish "her" the best.

And for the rest of the procrastinators out there, here's to Photoshop tutorials or whatever it takes to get us going on that stuff we've been putting off.

 

*Just in case you're curious  (Hi Allison!) ... here are a few before & afters using the technique she demo'ed.

If you're one of the pretty people from the weddings I mentioned... I'm working really hard to get you picture CD's soon. I really am!

I really like how subtle the changes are, much better than spiking up the contrast in my opinion.


What do you guys think? Are they a cute couple or what?!

 

The Happening

I’ve never had much of a green thumb. And that just might be the understatement of my life.

When my mom came to visit me not so long ago, I asked her why my once pretty potted plant was dying fast.

“’Cause it’s a shrub,” she told me. “It’s a shrub!”

That should give you a general idea of how well-educated I am when it comes to plants.

 

Still, the one thing I always knew is that plants need water. Enter me with an extra large Dickey’s cup, watering them daily, ‘til they were swimming in my attempts at TLC.

When the plants started looking a little too well-loved, I laid off. A lot. For like weeks at a time.

 

Yeaaaa…. (said in my best Office Space voice.)

As you might suspect this never ended well.

 

In fact, this mostly ended in me throwing away what were once living plants.

Ivies. Marigolds. Unidentified Shrubs. Cacti. I didn’t discriminate.

I’ve killed just about everything. From just about everywhere.

Grocery Stores. Hardware Stores. Bix box stores.  It didn’t matter… they all shared the same fate.

 

I’ve killed a lot of little green lives is what I’m saying.

I’m not proud of it. It’s just fact.

 

I see dead plants.

(Shyamalan reference track: 2, if you're counting.)

 

But two things came to mind Sunday as I tried my hand at potting some new planty friends. Well three things if you count, “I really hope I don’t kill you guys.”

 

1. You can’t give up.
   
   Even when experience tells you that you should. You can’t give up. It’ll keep you from a lot of really good stuff. 
   
   My basketball coach used to put it this way “You’ll miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take.”
   
   So maybe you have Shaq-like freethrow stats. Keep shooting. You’ll make more – learn more – grow more – trying, than if you take yourself out of the game entirely.
2. Overcompensating for an error is rarely the way to fix it.
   
   Overcompensating for an error is rarely the way to fix it. It works about as well in gardening as it does in driving – which isn’t well. Instead of making a knee-jerk reaction to a mistake, figure out what went wrong then respond wisely. (In the case of overwatering, as in life, the fix is usually moderation. Not quitting altogether.)

 

This past week I’ve been thinking a lot about moderation and about what it means to truly fix something that’s wrong.

At church they said fixing issues is the difference between confession and repentance. Confession is an admission “I was wrong.” But repentance goes a step farther, to say “I’m gonna do better.”

 

I’ve always been pretty good at the apologizing part. In fact, I used to get in trouble for being overly apologetic. Not surprisingly, my response to those rebukes was always, “I’m sorry.” (I'm not a fast learner.)

 

But, quick as I am to apologize for my shortcomings, I’ve always had a tendency to get stuck somewhere between the confession and repentance. Instead of moving forward, having learned from my mistake, and vowing to do better next time… I tend to wallow in the guilt and shame of having messed up in the first place.

 

This doesn’t ever fix things. It just makes me stuck. It just keeps me from trying again.

 It's not as fun as it sounds, feeling stuck.

 

Change is hard. Brushing ourselves off, especially after an epic fail, is especially tough.

But, I’m becoming increasingly convinced that the times we dare to try again are some of the most important times in our lives.

 I'm thinking that confession is of little good, if we don't learn and move forward.

I'm wondering if shame isn't a nasty trick to keep us stuck where we're at, instead of getting better.

Going in a different direction... I find myself very curious what that means.

 

Right now, I'm trying again. This time with a new game plan, and with three little green pots under a carport outside.

For me change has come in the aromatic form of rosemary, garlic chives, and parsley hanging out, hoping not to die.

And the $4.97 investment in organic fertilizer, was also a sign of faith in my ability to develop a green thumb. A commitment to do my best, and to see how things go.

 

Change means taking a break from punishing my past planting mistakes, in favor of learning, really learning what it takes to be a “gardener.”

 

Three herbs (an indoor Arugala plant and Tom -my Tom Thumb cacti) and I have set out on an adventure now. There’s no turning back or giving up.

From here there's only once choice - to grow - and I'm slightly excited about that.

 

This is happening!

Craft Night - Bleachy Keen

Hey crafty friends.

I finally got around to trying something I saw on Pinterest ages ago. (Instead of just hoarding the idea like I usually do.) And I'm so glad I took the plunge.

 

This was one project that was faster, easier, and had better results than I expected.

Not too shabby, I'd say, for $3.19 (plus tax) and 30-minutes of hands on work (plus another 20 mins. raiding my closet for stuff to play with)!
 

Here's the deal. If you've got a bleach pen, and some cotton blend tees ready for an update, you're all set for a simple craft.

You'll wanna put cardboard under the tee so the bleach doesn't seep through. Also, the "ink" bleeds quite a bit, so make sure you leave plenty of "white" space for parts you want to remain untouched.

 
Basically you just doodle a design. Let the bleach do its thing (for about an hour in the sun). (HAND WASH and dry your bleachy stuff separately before wearing, or throwing it in with other stuff.)

Then, TA DA!

You're ready to rock out your SUPER COOL (or fairly ridiculous, but perhaps adorable?) new look.

 

If you want a more detailed tutorial, check out my favorite here.

A month's worth of awkward

Confession: I've been big time holding out on you all. BIG TIME!

I've got lots of awkwardness tucked away. Why? 'Cause I was waiting for the pink to leave my cheeks (the embarrassment to fade) and the scar to form (where gushing blood once was) before foolishly bravely telling the world about my recent snafus.

This blog will be a little short on the Awesome, but hopefully the laughs at my expense will make up for it.

And now... here's a quick recap, of the last horribly AWKWARD (even by my standards) month.

 

*FIRST: My Janet Jackson moment.

A couple of Fridays ago I decided to get all brave and finally wear the green skirt you've heard so much about... you know the one I dyed for several days. The one that "killed my sink." The one several of you asked about, but for reasons that will soon become clear will probably not be seeing anytime soon.

Well, feeling creative, I decided to wear my long greenish skirt as a "dress." Genius right? I belted it. I've seen it a million times on blogs... must be fool-proof right?

Wrong. SO WRONG!

CATastrophe # one occurred when I got to work feeling overly confident and cute (always a recipe for disaster) and saw my skirt in good lighting.

There under the fluorescents I discovered that what had seemed a vivid green "dress" in my dimly lit apartment, was actually only kinda sorta green. In other words, I was stuck at work wearing a big hunk of cloth that looked less intentionally dyed and more like a cat had peed on it (and the cat wasn't well... JOSH, that's for you).

It was hardly the smashing debut I had dreamed up for my DIY creation, but it was no big foul either. YET!

Sometime between the time it took me to shout "ORANGE JUICE" at a passing waitress - that was the last item on my "I spy" item on the kids menu at IHOP, where we celebrated Flapjack Friday - and the time we got back to work, though, there was a total "wardrobe malfunction," and I'm not using that term loosely (pun intended).

Unbenounced to me that malfunction resulted in total boob exposure (or more accurately padded bra exposure). Something I didn't notice until several minutes into a very awkward car ride back to the office.

I survived the incident, but only about as well as sorry Ms. Jackson. And only 'cause I spent the rest of the day avoiding eye contact with the two male coworkers who had been with me at the time.

As a testament to how truly horrified I was, it took me hours to even confess my slip up (: /) to my compassionate female comrade. And weeks to tell you here in the safety of cyberland.

It was bad people. Very bad.

And I'm not exaggerating - for once.

 

Anyways, that was my fiasco, all  BEFORE five. If you can believe it, it actually got worse.

That was the day I met my trainer for the first time, not counting the day when he introduced himself. (His name is Baba by the way, just like the song, as a coworker pointed out). After having my body fat measured I was all about having a healthy meal. And if you're me - meaning you can't cook - this involves resisting the urge to drive through Mickey D's, and instead opening some cans and then heating their contents. Only this time I never made it to step two of this incredibly difficult process.

When the Coke-like tab broke on my can of red kidney beans, a voice inside me said to stop and CUT my losses. When the can opener completed the circle and the lid still wasn't loose a much louder voice also said STOP.

But when I started jabbing away with a cheap metal spoon and a heckofalotta pent up crazy, most everything inside me screamed "STOP IT YOU PSYCHO."

Did I listen, though? NOPE.

I chose instead to follow the direction of the tiny, but feistier part of me that said, "I'mma gonna have red beans for dinner (that one's for you Jessie)!!!"

And so I did not step away from the can like a good sane person. I slumped away from it instead.

Eventually the inevitable happened; blood started gushing from my right ring finer. And by gushing I mean dripping, but profusely. Not enough to soak through the Ikea dish towel I grabbed to sop it up, but enough to freak me out.

 

And also, apparently, enough to cause the following.

I did what I always do when trouble strikes, which is NOT check MD but call my Dad - the Doctor. And while on the phone with him, trying to determine if I needed stitches, I started feeling woozy. But like really woozy.

When I woke up I heard my Mom's voice saying "Jen, Jen, the phone's cutting out."

But when I opened my eyes to stare directly at my kitchen mat, I realized. Nope Mom. That wasn't the phone cutting out. That was me.

That was me, being a total wuss, blacking out after trying to open a can of red beans. (Is that ironic?)

 

And that wasn't fun. Definitely not the way I had planned on spending my Friday night.

But, I survived. And, I looked for the silver lining... which in this case, came in the form of a really darling cupcake bandaid, complete with a cherry on top. (Thanks Santa!) Oh, and also a really, really, really sound night's sleep.

And I'm happy to report that about a week later I conquered that fear... I opened another can. This time successfully. (I learned my lesson, no more tab tops for me.)

I'm even more pleased to report that, aside from the time this week when I walked smack dab into a door frame (a few feet away from my boss I might add... it created a loud thud)... the time I leaned against the counter while washing my hands at the gym and had to walk out looking like I had peed/sweat my pants.... and most recently the time when loud baaahing noises started blaring from my computer at a popular college hangout coffee shop... that pretty much sums the awkwardness of the last few weeks.

 

Now we can happily move on to the awesomeness. Please keep in mind I warned you it's short comparatively. Nevertheless here are a couple of highlights; you know, to tide us over 'til I manage to go a whole month without making a complete fool of myself. AS IF!

 

I found $1 sunglasses at HEB (a grocery store, one where you get carded buying grape juice). And, my sister comforted me via text that they don't make me look like a dead ringer for our brother. (Isn't it funny how even when you know someone's lying, it can still be nice to hear what you want. My brother's a handsome man, by the way. It's just that, I would rather not look like a man - aviators or not.)

I discovered that if you ask someone to double the "vanilla" in your latte and pay a little extra, they'll do it! Who knew?

I also discovered that the last few drips of above latte spilled two very important inches away from my laptop. Whew!

Honing my proofreading skills has finally proved good for something (other than making me want to kick my own nerdy butt)... I'm pretty sure I was the only person to realize how FANTASTIC this photo show is really gonna be. Photography for a good cause AND time travel... I mean really! Sign me up.

It took three months, but my closet is finally tasting looking like the rainbow. And I refuse to admit just how ecstatically happy this makes me. Anyone else want Lucky Charms all of a sudden, though? And Skittles? And a Jimmy Dean breakfast sandwich?

Last but decidedly not least, a very sophisticated nine-year-old told me tonight that she likes my photography and that I always dress like I could be in a magazine. You simply CANNOT pay for a compliment like that friends. (But if you could, and I did, that I definitely wouldn't tell you. ;) )

Seriously though. I think the magazine she's referencing is an American Girl catalogue, and she's basing her photography assessment on my ability to take a few snapshots of  pretty much the cutest kid ever - with cake all over his face no less. It's not exactly a challenge to make that look good.

BUT STILL... it pretty much made my month to hear her say something so sweet.

Then again, speaking of sweet, the mound of dump cake I ate before this confession wasn't shabby either. (By the way, Dad, that one's for you. Tehe.)

 

Now... I'd really like to hear what's making your month, the good, bad and awkwardly ugly? Or, the awesomely sweet as the case may be.

I mean, I showed you mine - almost literally - now it's your turn.

Seriously guys... how awkward/awesome has March/April been for you?

Going green, Green, GREEN!!!

I could understand why it might seem like I share EVERYTHING already over here on the ol' blog. But the truth is there's a lot I don't tell you, nothing juicy per say, but stuff.

Like yesterday, I bought 14 inch silverware from Goodwill and ate lunch at Taco Bell (not using the silverware). Didn't know that did ya?

And today, I had to listen to poor Mickey wimpering from the trash can after getting stuck in a sticky mouse trap at work. I'd have liked to put him out of his sad, pathetic misery but that would have required touching him, so... I tried not to use the scanner near his death bag.

Then later I spent 45 minutes caught in rush hour traffic - in Waco - something caused by a car on fire, not the usual 5 o'clock crowd.

Also, I had sushi for dinner with some very dear friends. Fried sushi if you really wanted to know - tasted like a fishy version of the now defunct Monte Christo sandwich from Bennigans. (Single tear.)

 

But, it turns out along with a lot of completely irrelevant nonsense, I omitted some very important information earlier this week. Information that has changed the course of my life - or weekend at least. Information that would have been helpful to have on St. Patty's Eve, for instance.

 

You see, that night, after spending a not-so-small fortune at Big Lots of all places - I really think there should be some sort of prize for that - I came home and did the most Irish thing I could think of. I tried my hand at dyeing a thrifted treasure GREEN.

And then I dyed my hair red. AS IF! Just kidding. I'm not nearly that committed. But, I did decide to make the skirt as GREEN as it could possibly go. I thought that was festive of me.

So armed with my Goodwill broom-ish skirt, some Hobby Lobby dye, a single rubber glove and a roasting pan of warm water, I set out to go green, Green, GREEN! 

Only, about four minutes into the project my pig timer dinged, which meant I was suddenly entranced by a delicious diversion...

After which I was far too full to bother with re-reading some silly ol' directions.

Okay, technically I read them, I just completely disregarded them (which is probably worse). Instead of stirring my skirt for 15 minutes and soaking it for 45, I decided to stir my leprechaun green skirt for five minutes and then soak it for two days. TWO DAYS!

And I didn't see any harm in that. Afterall, the skirt cost $4; no harm no foul if it didn't turn out perfect.

Only, in all this clearly careful planning, I failed to prepare for one thing, a big thing.

It turns out trying to be a good tenant by using a tin pan instead of your kitchen sink to dye clothes in is POINTLESS, if...

TWO DAYS after starting this experiment you proceed to dump a turkey basin full of green - presumably toxic - water down that same sink you were trying to save. The side with the disposal no less, that magical device that eats up dead food, but makes funny, funny noises when trying to swallow two days worth of rancid green goop. 

GREEN goop that a few minutes after pouring out, started bubbling up again... in my sink. AND in my dishwasher. And, at the bottom of my precious washing machine.

Now, this seems like prime time to remind you what amazing thing happened this week. Remember when I finally conquered my fear of cooking fish? Fish, the frequently delicious but slightly odorous food that I hadn't prepared at home in over two decades.

Well tonight the scrapings of that precious fish I've been cooking (and burning) much of the week came back to haunt me. That stinkin' rottin' fish puked itself up all over my kitchen sink.

And while I can't say this was at ALL how I planned on spending my Friday evening, (or for that matter how the poor maintenance man* planned to spend his Saturday morning, I'm sure) I can say this experience has made me very happy that one of my Big Lots splurges was a GIANT sweet apple candle.

A candle that just so happens to be red, not green by the way. A candle that's little flicker is helping to restore my kitchen back to its usual subtle, non-offensive scent, and me back to my relative sanity.

Thank you candle, for calming me down.

And thank you GOD (for contributing to the calming) but also for on-site apartment managers.

As my buddy Jim would say, all in all not a bad day.

 

And on that note, here's to hoping your Saturday is filled with more sweet smells than fish guts. Unless of course you're into that sort of thing, in which case, GROSS! 

 

*P.S. If you, my sweet apartment manager or maintenance man, happen to read this... I'm sorry I was a coward and didn't tell you to your face that I'm an idiot. I was hoping it was mostly understood after I had to get help closing my blinds that one time. But also, I DID leave the dye packet on the counter hoping it would do the talking for me.

On the bright-side I can't think of anything more Irish than snakes, so maybe snaking my drain tomorrow will be like an extra fun way to celebrate St. Patty's Week? Nope, you say? In that case, I'll leave you some coffee.